When I was little I wanted to be a veterinarian because I loved animals. That quickly changed when I learned that I would have to do surgery on the animals which even at a young age I knew I would not mentally be able to handle.
I then went through an artist phase. I envied the kids in art class in elementary school who were praised for their art skills. I thought I was amazing because I could draw two hills with the sun in between and blend the colors to look like a sunset. I could also draw a pig by connecting letters together. Art was not my thing.
When American Idol came out I wanted to be a singer. I never told anyone because I knew I couldn’t sing. But if only my family were rich they could get me a singing coach and I could be the next Kelly Clarkson. I wanted to have that moment at a talent show where I would surprise everyone and come out in a cute outfit and sing like Christina Aguilera. The small issue was 1. I was terrified of being in front of people and 2. I had no talent. I’ve gotten pretty good with my volume quality since moving to Ithaca though. Taylor Swift and I are a beautiful harmonized duo on drives to and from work every day.
I was in dance for a while and dreamed of being a ballerina. Except when I got old enough for pointe shoes I was not strong enough to stand on them. I was heavier at that point in my life and not at all healthy. Eventually right before the final recital the teacher told me that I didn’t have to go on all the way on my top toes. It was a devastating moment for me.
When I switched to public school in 7th grade my mom put me in the Language Arts concentration so I could write. My first writing assignment I wrote a short story that was basically boyband fanfiction. Lesson 1. If you’re going to write fanfiction in middle school, don’t tell anyone about it. We did peer reviews. I was made fun of. Being a kid is a pain in the ass.
However, I went on to have a very successful Nsync fanfiction website that I legit spent hours learning HTML for. RIP Geocities! I had followers on FanFiction.Net who were super into hearing who I would have fall in love with Justin Timberlake every week, and I had two close friends who were just as into boyband fanfiction as I was. It was a good couple of years. Then Fanfiction.Net had to remove all the “real people” fanfiction because of some sort of issue and my platform was gone. It was a sad time, trust me. Sometimes I miss the days when the most tragic thing going on in my life was fanfiction.net removing all of my stories. Don’t worry though, they live on in notebooks in a Rubbermaid tub in our guestroom closet. If anyone every comes to stay with us feel free to snoop for I am no longer ashamed! When I die I hope someone retypes it all and publishes it and *NSYNC attends the book release party.
Anyway, I decided somewhere around that time that I wanted to be a journalist. Mainly because I was obsessed with celebrities and I wanted to interview them on TRL. My goals were to 1. Lose enough weight to wear hip hugger jeans and belly shirts and 2. Interview Nsync, become their best friend, and be the godmother to all of their children. There was 0.00000001% possibility of success, but I hung on to it anyway.
However, in my senior year of high school the Language Arts teacher started a school paper and I jumped on the chance to be the entertainment editor, I realized I HATED interviewing people. I was so awkward, I didn’t know how to talk to people or ask them questions, and I was so paranoid I would get what they said wrong and quote them incorrectly. It was a stressful time because I had banked a lot on becoming an MTV TRL host and now I realized I couldn’t even interview the guidance counselor about why she liked her job.
When I started community college I decided to put myself on an English major track. Regardless of my terrible interviewing skills I had been a pretty strong writer throughout high school, and even though I had no idea what to do with an English degree, I figured what the hell.
Also, can I just side track here for a second and share that in my first week of English class in college we had to pick a group to be in and this girl legit said no to me when I asked if I could be in their group ’cause like I thought I was in their group because of where I was sitting and when the teacher was like, “Is Stephanie in your group too?” AND THIS GIRL WAS LIKE “NO SHE ISN’T” and I had to awkwardly move to a different group somewhere else and this girl straight looked me up and down in my Babies R Us polo cause some of us girls gotta work after we learn and after our first writing assignment I wrote a SUPER EFFING AWESOME POEM and suddenly after that they were like “OMG WILL YOU BE IN OUR GROUP NEXT TIME” and I was like NO I WILL NOT ‘CAUSE I HAVE MY OWN GROUP NOW BITCHES. Okay the second part didn’t happen like that entirely, that was mostly in my head, but like the guy in their group was like, “omg that was awesome” and the girl got super annoyed, and I dropped the mic in my head.
ANYWAY, so skip to me at UCF orientation a couple years later where I was sitting at a table with this girl and we were just doing the awkward small talk thing and she asked me what my major was. I said I would probably just pick journalism because I honestly did no research before attending this college it was just the closest school to my house. I know, I am a nightmare. So this girl says, “I was thinking about creative writing, but I don’t really know.” My mind was blown, I was like woah, woah, woah, there is a Creative Writing major at this school? You can actually MAJOR in Creative Writing? This girl had clearly done more prep work than I had. So, when at orientation they called each of the majors and told us to go with that group, I grabbed my things and switched my non-existent life plan to an entirely different major.
I know, if you know me now, you’re like ‘Who is this person? This person who does not analyze and plan?’ I have no idea, it was weird time. But honestly it was so nice to take classes that I actually enjoyed and was okay paying for (YES I PAID FOR THEM WITH MY MONEY AT THAT POINT CALM DOWN OVER THERE). And when people would be like “So, are you going to teach?” I’d be like “Nah” and then they’d be like “What ARE you going to do with that degree then?” and I’d be like “Eh I’ll just wing it.”
I am every parent’s nightmare. I did something I enjoyed and had no idea what I was going to do afterwards. I used to be like, “There will be someone out there somewhere who needs someone who can write something.” You can quote that and put it over a photo background of a lovely lake scene and hang it in your living room for inspiration. You’re welcome. I won’t even charge for that motivational advice.
I once wrote the greeting for the school superintendent’s Christmas Card that was sent to people all over the district. I remember wondering at the time how long I could ride out that fame and maybe skip college to become a greeting card writer. Something along the lines of “Wishing you and your family a happy holiday.” Was chosen out of a group of 30 other potential greetings. There’s really nowhere to go but down from there honestly, that’s a peak moment. Someone out there in the world has to write that nonsense.
What’s amazing is that somehow I managed to make it to adulthood with college me’s mentality of just winging it. And I have this job now that most days I don’t feel like I deserve. I mean I had to spend my first year after college in a professional internship working 17 hour shifts saying things like, “Do you want Sarah on Chicken Fries or Burger Drinks when she clocks in?” over a Nextel Radio. Trust me that was job was so hard because understanding someone saying “Chicken Fries” over what was basically a walkie talkie was like translating a foreign language, but like if Sarah didn’t get Chicken Fries then Brad wouldn’t get his break and then we’d be behind on breaks and that’s a disaster. After that I spent 4.5 years at my next job teaching myself how to be a leader and a voice for some really amazing people who I knew would go on to do great things.
Honestly, I have no idea where I’m going with this anymore, this has taken me like 2.5 hours and I haven’t been able to breathe through my nose for a few days because of this cold that I haven’t been able to talk myself out of so I’m sure I’ve lost some brain cells due to lack of oxygen or something. I just had a good work day today and I started a class this semester that’s going to help me with my job, because like honestly I still have no idea what I want to be doing with my life but it feels good to be at a place that encourages you to do things to help you figure it out.
Oh, and Marc got Oliver a new toy today that is a stuffed potato wearing boxer shorts. Like the potato doesn’t have legs or anything so it’s just wearing these shorts. And Oliver keeps sticking his nose under the boxer shorts to chew on the potato and it’s just really inappropriate.
I’ll end there.
WAIT ONE LAST THING. Miley Cyrus has this song on Spotify called Wildflower and it’s delightful. The title of this post is one of the lyrics. You should listen to it. Okay I’m done now oversharing about my life.